Words Women Use
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

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posted by Captain Jack at 6:02 PM | Permalink 0 comments
New Oxford Dictionary
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
The New Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:

Divorce : Future tense of marriage..

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest.... except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

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posted by Captain Jack at 6:03 PM | Permalink 0 comments
The Best Products Ever !!
Sunday, November 05, 2006
1. FOR PERFECT LIPS :
Try "smiles". A simple formula guaranteed to beautify any face instantly.


2. FOR FANTASTIC FRESH BREATH :
Speak "words of truth and kindness" as this mouthwash never allows stale smells to linger.


3. FOR BEAUTIFUL EYES :
Can be achieved by looking for The Good. This product also has a positive effect on the heart. Tip : Lowering your gaze when required also.


4. LOSE WEIGHT :
By "repenting" and making "Taubah" (asking God to forgive your sins). Both these load shifters will reduce stress and leave you feeling considerably lighter.


5. FOR THE SOFTEST SKIN :
Can be achieved by "Tears" used alongside "Prayer", particularly late at night ; it will leave you glowing and feeling relaxed. Use a wonderful cream called “Noor”


6. FOR THE BEST LOOKING HANDS :
Give "donations" and "charity". Another consequence of this product is that it'll bring wealth to u, doubled.


7. AVOID HEART DISEASE :
By contacting the "Forgive Yourself and Others", and "Counting Your Blessings", Health Spas.


8. FOR A BETTER POSTURE :
Strengthen and straighten your back by using "Help Carry Another’s Burden" ; You’ll be surprised by how easy and natural it is to use.


9. FOR PERFECT POISE :
Use ‘Knowledge and Wisdom’ ; this excellent product will do wonders for your self-esteem and confidence, and will even boost your body’s defenses.


10. FINALLY, TO DRESS THE BEAUTIFUL "YOU" :
Find the ultimate outfit in, "Taqwa" (fear of Allah), this robe perfectly fits yet allows room for growth, the true classic promises to never go out of style and is appropriate for any occasion.

Finish your new look with the sensational scent, "Gratitude", the heavenly perfume is available in the most beautiful containers–now !

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posted by Captain Jack at 2:03 AM | Permalink 0 comments
Great Logic...!!!!
ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.

IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK
AS DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.
THEN THEY WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO
A WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND
THEY HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO
CONDITION TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE
RETEST AFTER 3 DAYS.

THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY THEY
APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL
CONDITION TEST.

ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE
TEST. THEY ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS.
THE TEST CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.

Q1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME. ----- (2 MARKS)
Q2. WHICH TYRE BURST? ------- (98 MARKS)!!!

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posted by Captain Jack at 2:01 AM | Permalink 0 comments
Mistakes
HOW FAIR IS THAT

If a barber make a mistake,
It's a new style...

If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident..

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It's an operation..

If an engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture...

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation...

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law...

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention...

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion...

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a new theory...

If a student makes a mistake,
It still is A MISTAKE!!!!!!!

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posted by Captain Jack at 2:00 AM | Permalink 0 comments
New Theory
Absolutely brilliant !!!
A public school teacher was arrested today at John
F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a
flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide
rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General
John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged
by the FBI with carrying weapons of maths instruction. "Al-gebra is a
problem for us," Ashcroft said.
"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use
secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but
we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of
medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle'."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President
Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of Maths instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not
recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President

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posted by Captain Jack at 1:58 AM | Permalink 0 comments